some old pictures i found!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ha ha ha ha these are like 2001 or 2000 pics!!!!!!! yeah we got first!!!!!!!! i was a badass!!!!!
ha ha ha Christmas party!
ha ha ha love this stuff it is so funny to look at these and think how my life would be different if i stayed with it!!!!!!!

what ever helps you slept at night....darling!

Thoughts have been rolling through my head the past couple of hours..... and it is somewhat hard to make sense of it for me.

i feel like i am going up and down and up and down but there is no happy madium.

I want that happy meduim in my life. I need it right now...in the mist of all the bad around me...and i dont know how all the bad got there?!?!? can anyone clue me in!?!?!

I have so much to do but all i want to do is just sit and take all the good in for just one sec. so i can know what it feels like to just be happy....pure happiness.

why is that so hard to do?

ummm.... today i faced a tough brick wall....not one i really wanted to face but it happened. i cant make sense of it and that makes me frustrated. i HATE that. but to find the answers to it seems to be the hardest part i mean i can say what i want or need to do but is it the right thing to do? cause all the other options seem to be blown out the window as of right now.

with life happening so fast right now i am afraid to mess the small things that could make me see the big picture.......the picture that would make sense of everything. but slowing down seems to not be such a great option.....so i am stuck, stuck in a bind that seems to be comtroling me really good.

I am sorry.....

I am sorry that i am not what you wanted me to be.
I am sorry i can't make all your dreams come true
I am sorry your time seems to be wasted with me.
I am sorry i am burden to you both.
I am sorry that i did not follow what you had to say to a T.
I am sorry that everyday it is not just flowers and sunshine when i come home.
I am sorry that i try so hard to be strong and show that i am being resopnisible i guess it just was not enough.
I am sorry that i am not the brainy girl you wanted mom or the creative artisty one for you dad.
I am sorry that i never went over and beyond what was expected me for yall.
I am sorry that i never kept Jacob undercontrol or kept this family together.
I am sorry that i seem to put to much stress on you both when all i wanted to do was be the gilr that you could bragg about to al your friends mom.
Most of all i am sorry for hurting you in every way i did; i never ment to;i never tried to make you sad.