Coming to a close

As the tide is coming in for 2008 i started to wonder what things have i done. Have i seen the things i wanted to see, been to places that i wanted to go , and done things that i will remeber for the rest of my life? well to answer those questions is difficult cause i have not done things i wanted to do or seen things i wanted to see. Wow i feel like this year is somewhat of a waste. This year was the year that i should remeber as a fun and fulling year i have so much going on and not much to show for it. I mean there are some things that i enjoyed but the stuff that i really wanted to do was not accomplished and that is entirely my fault, and i hate to say it but it is. My fault for not seeing what i wanted and going for it but letting other people tell me what to do and how to do it instead of letting my heart tell me how and what to do since in the long run knowing i did it for me is better then remebering being told to do something by someone that i might not rememebr a couple of years done the road.

So my new year resolution is to do things for but also for God, and doing what my heart says and not the people around me say.

some old pictures i found!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ha ha ha ha these are like 2001 or 2000 pics!!!!!!! yeah we got first!!!!!!!! i was a badass!!!!!
ha ha ha Christmas party!
ha ha ha love this stuff it is so funny to look at these and think how my life would be different if i stayed with it!!!!!!!

what ever helps you slept at night....darling!

Thoughts have been rolling through my head the past couple of hours..... and it is somewhat hard to make sense of it for me.

i feel like i am going up and down and up and down but there is no happy madium.

I want that happy meduim in my life. I need it right now...in the mist of all the bad around me...and i dont know how all the bad got there?!?!? can anyone clue me in!?!?!

I have so much to do but all i want to do is just sit and take all the good in for just one sec. so i can know what it feels like to just be happy....pure happiness.

why is that so hard to do?

ummm.... today i faced a tough brick wall....not one i really wanted to face but it happened. i cant make sense of it and that makes me frustrated. i HATE that. but to find the answers to it seems to be the hardest part i mean i can say what i want or need to do but is it the right thing to do? cause all the other options seem to be blown out the window as of right now.

with life happening so fast right now i am afraid to mess the small things that could make me see the big picture.......the picture that would make sense of everything. but slowing down seems to not be such a great option.....so i am stuck, stuck in a bind that seems to be comtroling me really good.

I am sorry.....

I am sorry that i am not what you wanted me to be.
I am sorry i can't make all your dreams come true
I am sorry your time seems to be wasted with me.
I am sorry i am burden to you both.
I am sorry that i did not follow what you had to say to a T.
I am sorry that everyday it is not just flowers and sunshine when i come home.
I am sorry that i try so hard to be strong and show that i am being resopnisible i guess it just was not enough.
I am sorry that i am not the brainy girl you wanted mom or the creative artisty one for you dad.
I am sorry that i never went over and beyond what was expected me for yall.
I am sorry that i never kept Jacob undercontrol or kept this family together.
I am sorry that i seem to put to much stress on you both when all i wanted to do was be the gilr that you could bragg about to al your friends mom.
Most of all i am sorry for hurting you in every way i did; i never ment to;i never tried to make you sad.

A bomb has exploded right infront of me

The first week of my senior year is over. I wish i could say that this year is going to be a piece of cake....but it is more like a whirpool pf things that i need to get done....fast! Whether it is just waking up on time for school or it is to making sure i can follow insructions for applications to a T. So many things to but all i want to do is slow down and enjoy what i have in my life right now. Just want to be creative and be care free of what i want to do. Why is it that i feel so out of place with everything? i am going through the motions but i feel nothing when i do them.

I come to realize that by doing all things i need to do my happiness suffers. And to love your life is to be happy. But if i dont do the things i need to do my life might not be as happy in 10 years as i thouht it would be. so how do you compromise it?

I have turned my back on some things that have made me truely happy in the past. And trying to turn back around seems to be and a little scary to me.

All i need, is the air i breathe

GREAT things going on in my life!!!!!!!!!!! I love where i am at and where things are going

Updates:

1. I got a new car....I.E. corolly polly(andrew named it)

2. i had an interview at lifetime....finally....it was great and i love the kids that go there and most of all i get to work with RYAN!!!!!!!! i hope i get the job

3. i got a letter from a college in KANSAS and they want to recruit me for cross country which is great but i am not running this year... :/ so i wonder how this is going to go!

well three updates feel like a lot to me! I am just so happy

:]

no country for old men

so last night was a great night!!!!!!!!

i was with andrew and we watched no country for old men!

i actually liked that movie(andrew said i prob would not like it)

there is nothing like hanging with a person you care for!!!!!!!!!!

:]

today i had my safety check.....it was so easy and i got to hang out with two people that i have not seen i years!

morgan and Dave

they are so funny it is always a blast when i am with them

Morgan thanks for saving my life today!
ha ha ha ha

i was an active victim!

i had a great cpnversation with morgan and drew today at McAlister's

Drew has some great comebacks to things

ha ha ha ha

that was a great lunch!

SO i am thinking about life a lot lately and how blessed i am to have the people i have in my life.

I know god had blessed me....and i think i need to thank him more often for that

SO THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

brownies....and great company!

great day!!!!!!!!!!!

Bill and Pam talked....and i offically LOVE the Ukraine. The stories they had were so great i got chills and my eyes started to water!!!!!!!!!!

Made brownies today! they were great and finally got a pic with my boyfriend!

GREATNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also got a computer in my room now....which i am using to type this blog by the way! ha ha ha

love it!!!!!!!!!!!

i hate ford F....1........trucks

So eventful day yesterday.

it happened....my first accident..................in the stupid HEB parking lot.

aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

It shocked me so much!!!!!!!! i was shaking!

But i am glad that my parents came to my rescue and helped me when the cops came and walked me through all the paper work for it......THANKS!

Aaron talked at church last night about the story of adam and his son. He really just put it in palin english that we can not just run to God when everything is bad and exspect him to make everything better.......and i really struggle with tht.

perfect example was yesterday at the wreck....i prayed so much...i was thanking and asking for stuff. Then wwhen Aaron did his lesson it really hit me like a ton of bricks.

Gosh talk about a wake up call!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ha ha ha

so i would like you to try and keep me accountable for this....see if i am talking to God more than just when i need him!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But then there is an up to this......he gave me a great person in my life by the name of Andrew. ha ha or AJ! People say that we are always together everywhere we go....ha ha ha it is somewhat tru! But he is soooooooo great he is a perfect person to have in my liofe right now....i can tell him anything and he will listen and try to help me.

he makes me smile when i am in a bad mood, ha ha ha he is the ying and my yang ha ha ha as my mom puts it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am just so happy yo have him in my life the way he is

:]

chinese food and small talk!

church today was good learned a lot of things and i am going to try not just to think about God through out the day but also really try to do a quite time everyday. Also i dont really know what i did to this person but it seems that i must of been a bad friend to them or something but they really dont seem to want to talk about it....so what to do, what to do!?!?!

GRRRRRR!

I also had a great bonding experience today though....and i am happy that it is happening!

so i got some really comfy pants today......they are stretchy and really long.....ahhhhhhh so COMFY!!!

shipleys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DONUTS!!!!!! love em! So i had a great fun filled night!!!!!!! i was with two my favorite people and then some! Dark knight......not black night david....ha ha ha

was the best movie i have seen in a while. Ledger was sooooooo GREAT!!! It made me jump at some parts!!!!!!!!!

98! is my avg in math right now....GREATNESS. and i corrected the teacher about a problem that she taught. doesnt that mean something like this class is not needed for me!!!!!!!!!!

$1,000 dollar shopping spree

My mom just won a shopping spree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LUCKY!!!!!!!!!!

Drama seems to just come back into my life from one little part of my life though. they just think to much and likes to tlak about it to everyone apparently.

GEEZ!

last night i had a little bit of a scare! I got a call form my friend saying she saw my BF at sonic and he was with a girl.....i freaked out!!!!!!!!! and she would not tell me her name until i dragged it out of her and it was RYAN GREEN!!!!!!!! i laughed mt head off and had to tell her that they are just like best friends and they hang out a lot together. that was one werid night i must say!!!!!!!!

I got my AP test grades back....the verdict is a 3 in english and a 1 in history! wow history is a little bit of a shocker, i thought i would of atleast of got a 2 but w/e!

So if i get enough scholarship money....my parents with max tht money and get my a car!!!!!!!!! so i am so motivated right now ti rack up that money in hopes to get a HONDA PILOT!!!!!!!! geese that would be great to get that car!!!!!!!!!!!!!

woah! so i have been doing good latley. Busy with people and things!


I start my class on Monday.....not really excited about that at all. 8-12 Monday through Thrusday....... :[





Um so i am really happy with where i am at with some things and i kno where i need to be with other things.......but getting there is have the battle!!!!!!!!! But how to deal with the up and downs is what i am sruggling with right now....how to just push it aside and move on seems to be really hard for me at this point.

Kingsville...yes or no

woah....summer! Texas A&M University at Kingsvile! it was great, i got so much information from the tour that i went on and i met the dean of engineering and he really got me pumped for some opportunities that i could be in if i went there! The town is really small but i dont think i would really mind cause corpus is like an hour away...yes the beach!

why is picking a college so hard and one of the biggest desicions we have to make when we are 18? there is so much pressure and thought that we have to put in it.GRRRRR!